Not Eating is Not Good

I had a conversation with a friend the other day about the ways we deal with stress. I mentioned that one of the things I have to deal with is a tendency to stop eating.

“Oh, that’s great!” she said.

No, it’s not. Knowing that I can’t sense when I’m hungry or full, that I can feel hungry and not care, that I end up spending too much money on things that don’t require a lot of preparation because it takes the least amount of effort to force-feed myself—sometimes it’s just inconvenient, and sometimes it’s scary. It’s far from great.

On the one hand I can understand why someone who (as she mentioned afterwards) tends to overeat when stressed might see undereating as a better option—but they’re both unhealthy eating habits, and both unhealthy stress reactions. And yet because of our society’s views on fat and food, one is seen as bad and guilt-inducing and the other is seen as beneficial, even if it doesn’t result in weight loss (as in my case, where I think the uncertainty of when my body would get its next meal probably contributed to my weight gain–as with dieting, your body doesn’t know if you’re starving it because you don’t have food or because you’re depressed).

Unhealthy eating habits (and I’m talking about real unhealthy eating habits, not just refusal to diet and neurotically count calories) are unhealthy—and often a symptom of a greater problem—regardless of whether they’re perceived to make you fatter or thinner. I wish that I could eat healthier—but more than that, I wish that I didn’t have to deal with depression and a low stress tolerance, and that I could handle these things in more productive ways than by refusing to feed myself. And I wish that the problems that I have weren’t seen as some sort of benefit.

Alton Brown

The last bit of fat hate from Alton Brown was not enough to get me to stop watching his shows, but I think this shit is, and that makes me sad.

I feel like this is another case of someone assuming that if they eat a “moderate” amount of fatty foods and start to develop a bit of a paunch, the really fat people must be gulping down whole TVs.

The Fatosphere Is Not a Hive Mind

I don’t agree with everything I read on the Fatosphere, and I think it would be very boring if I did.

I have a simple reading guideline that I like to follow: if I’ve been reading a blog (or a book, for that matter) for a while and can’t find anything I disagree with, I’m probably not reading closely enough. (The corollary is that if I find something I disagree with and can’t really articulate why, I should try to figure out how the author got there and see if she may actually be right.)

I have a high tolerance for political disagreement because I’m pretty solidly a moderate, which generally means that I disagree with everyone (although my disagreements tend to be of the “I agree with you, but…” type). Even people whom I agree with on most aspects of politics tend to differ on one or more very key issues. And even bloggers whom I love, respect, and enjoy sometimes write things that make me wonder what the hell they’re smoking.

My blogroll (and the list of books linked above it) is not a collection of blogs I agree with 100% but blogs that I read frequently, enjoy, and believe have important and interesting things to say about fat acceptance. That’s the most I hope anyone can say about this blog as well.

Fat Attraction, Part 2

I never realized how hot fat men were until I met my fiancé.

I never found fat particularly unattractive–I’d just never thought about it. I don’t have many physical preferences, although my love for long hair is a not-so-well-kept secret, and I’d never been in love with a fat man before, so it never really occurred to me. It didn’t even occur to me when I first saw his pictures, or when I first saw him in person. It wasn’t an unattractive trait, just a neutral one, something I thought didn’t matter one way or another.

And then I lay next to him, his arms around me, my back pressed against his stomach, and I felt this amazing synthesis of strength and softness, of the protectiveness of his large, muscular frame, and the cuddliness and comfort of his fat stomach. “Cuddly” is so the wrong word there because it doesn’t sound sexy–but it was. It wasn’t the first time I realized that he was hot, but it was the first time I realized that all of him was.

I’m sure some of the reactions right now are along the lines of “ew fat men are gross stomachs aren’t sexy what’s wrong with you =(“, and you know what, different people have different tastes in physical bodies, and that’s all right. But I’m an immensely practical person–to a fault, some would say–and I would say that finding fat sexually attractive–or learning to, if you don’t already–has distinct advantages.

I’ve posted about this before, but it’s worth mentioning NAAFA’s official policy on fat admirers again:

Further, NAAFA believes that in a society where at least 65% of the population is considered fat, a preference for a fat partner is normal and should be encouraged rather than discouraged.

We live in a society where Chloe Marshall, at the average size for British women, is considered unacceptably fat. Images of thin people in the media are unattainable for most people, especially when their pictures are constantly Photoshopped. Statistically speaking, you are probably not going to end up with a thin mate. Thinking that you deserve a thin significant other, or expecting someone to change his or her body for you, is quite the entitlement mentality.

In addition, we gain weight as we grow older, from things like pregnancy, stress, and changing metabolism. Even if your significant other is thin now, he or she will probably get fat at some point in your lives. That this is termed “letting oneself go” demonstrates not only a cultural bias towards thinness but a fear of getting old. I like the way BStu put it in this post:

Some people think it is limiting to be an FA. Really? There is a range of probably 300lbs of what I’m really turned on by and plenty past that which I find quite aesthetically appealing in its own right. “Thin Admirers” like what? A range of 30lbs, tops?

I wouldn’t say that I had a range of 300lbs for what I found attractive–although if I fell in love with a 500lb man instead of a 240lb man, who knows?–and it would be jumping the gun a bit to suggest that my fiancé and I will always find every part of each other attractive and never find any of the effects of aging objectionable. But I can say with confidence that as we grow older, we’re not going to start finding each other unattractive because we hit the edge of some magically unrealistic 30lb range.

Anyway, this is all a long-winded way of saying that my fiancé’s flying in tomorrow and staying until next Saturday, so I’ll probably be MIA from the internet for a while. Have I mentioned that he’s sexy?

Why I Am Fat

I think I’m lighter than most people in the Fatosphere. I still have some thin privilege. I’ve never lost a job or a job opportunity because of my weight (although I haven’t had many job opportunities yet, so that could change). I’ve had a doctor tell me that I needed to lose weight or I will get type 2 diabetes, but the majority of my doctors have treated my health issues independent of my size. I don’t have to go out of my way or pay extra for clothing because I don’t usually wear plus sizes. I do not have trouble fitting into one seat on a train, plane, or subway. I do not have to worry about medical equipment not accommodating people of my size. I’ve also had a different fat experience than a lot of people here. I was always a thin child. I never felt pressure to diet. I discovered fat acceptance at about the same time as I became fat. With my size and experience, learning to love my body was not as difficult as it is for some.

It is not my intention, by calling myself fat, to co-opt others’ experience and difficulties, nor to act as if I am better than people larger than me who have trouble loving their bodies or embracing fat acceptance. But I believe that I benefit a lot more by embracing and accepting myself as fat than by accepting the idea that thin is normal and healthy and I should diet but am just too lazy. I also think it’s important to call myself fat in order to show people what the obesity epidemic really looks like. I think Deniselle put it best here:

If we expect epople who weigh 200 pounds, or have a BMI of over 30 or 35, to look HUGE, we are probably only responding to the media frenzy of showing 400 lbs+ bodies in articles about “obesity”. The truth is, if you look at me and deduct 20 pounds? That’s still obesity. I’m much more representative of the “average obese person” than someone who weighs over 400 pounds. So the obesity epidemic? Totally concerns me. Keep that in mind next time you read an article about it.

As Sandy Szwarc points out (many, many times, in fact), people with a BMI ≥50 make up only 0.5% of the population, and people with BMIs ≥40 make up only 2% of the population. When people hear that 30% of the population are obese and another 30% is overweight, they are bombarded by headless images of those people who make up 2.5% of the population. My BMI fluctuates between about 30.0 and 30.7. That’s much more representative of the “obesity epidemic” than the “morbidly obese” are–and at the same time, even the “morbidly obese” don’t look as fat as we expect them to.

Another important point, I think, is that even though not everyone experiences hatred and prejudice for their size, even “normal” weight people have body image issues. Everyone benefits from fat acceptance, from learning that your body is fine just the way it is.

EDIT: From the link about the largest people in the world:

Walter Hudson (1944? – 1991) of Hempstead, NY (born in Brooklyn, NY); 5 ft 10 in, measured at 1197 lbs… Despite his massive size, Newsday reported that he was extraordinarily healthy: his heart, lungs, and kidneys all functioned normally, while astonished doctors noted that his cholesterol and blood-sugar levels “showed the chemistry of a healthy 21-year-old.” Even so, activist-turned-nutritionist Dick Gregory managed to convince Hudson that losing weight was necessary to save his life… Hudson died in his sleep after years of intermittent starvation dieting.

Francis John Lang, aka Michael Walker (b. 1934) of Gibsonton, FL (born in Clinton, IA); 6 ft 2 in, believed to have reached a maximum weight of 1187 lbs.. In early 1972 Lang was hospitalized in Houston for a suspected heart attack, at which time he was estimated to weigh between 900 and 1000 lbs. His symptoms proved to be caused by an inflamed gallbladder, probably aggravated by his weight loss, and the examining physician declared his heart to be “unusually normal.”

Man, name withheld (ca. 1939 – ca. 1986), of New York State; just under 5 ft 7 in, 1050 lbs. His death was due to complications following a massive panniculectomy (“tummy tuck”) to remove fat tissue… According to his physicians, he was healthy when he checked in, and his “past [medical] history was unremarkable except for extraordinary weight all his life.”

Remember, fatphobia is all about being concerned for fat people’s health!

EDIT: For some reason I seem to be getting a lot of visitors outside of the fatosphere on this post. If you have no idea what fat acceptance is and are genuinely interested, there are some links on the right-hand side of the page to help you get started. Please also check out the comments policy.

On Admiring Fat Bodies

A friend recently posted a question about feederism, and if fat acceptance was okay with such a thing. After reassuring her that no, feederism is absolutely not okay, I looked up NAAFA’s official statements on feederism and fat admirers, and these two things jumped out at me:

[NAAFA advocates:] That people of all sizes become empowered to demand respect for their bodies in the context of sexual relationships, without attempting to lose or gain weight in order to win a partner’s approval or attract or retain that partner’s desire.

Further, NAAFA believes that in a society where at least 65% of the population is considered fat, a preference for a fat partner is normal and should be encouraged rather than discouraged.

I’m sure most people, including myself, would see feederism as a fetishizing, objectifying practice–and yet people have no problem with expecting their significant others to lose weight for their own sexual satisfaction. The fetishization of fat is disgusting and wrong, but the fetishization of thin, that’s just normal.

I was reading some posts on a messageboard yesterday about spouses and weight gain. One man posted that his wife had gained a lot of weight and was also not interested in her personal appearance, sex, or exercise–and how was he supposed to deal with the fact that he didn’t find her physically attractive anymore? Even if she didn’t, as seemed likely from the comments, have depression, why would someone be interested in exercise if her husband is clearly only pushing her into it to try to get her to lose weight? Why would someone be interested in sex if her husband doesn’t find her attractive? This is why empowerment is so important–empowering people to demand respect for their bodies as they are, and empowering people to feel confident enough in their bodies that they demand a partner who finds their bodies attractive instead of settling for one who will try to force them to change.

Another thread was about husbands who loved their wives’ fat bodies, but instead of bringing a breath of fresh air as I’d hoped, I found this comment (paraphrased): “My wife is 60 lbs. overweight and I love her body the way it is. I wouldn’t want her to lose much weight, maybe just 30 lbs. or so.” What? As we’ve seen before, 35 lbs. is the difference between “normal” and “obese.” 30 lbs. is not a little bit of weight. What kind of world do we live in, that someone can claim to love someone’s fat body just the way it is, and still want her to lose weight?

Ever since I got engaged, I started getting a lot of weight loss ads on Facebook. Here is the worst offender, I think:

“You’re beautiful already–but you should still lose weight!” It’s like the mainstream anti-diet doublespeak: “Diets don’t work, and you don’t have to be thin to be healthy, but you should still diet make ~*~lifestyle changes~*~!” It seems so much more dangerous to me than “you’d be beautiful if only you lost weight,” because it’s a lot more insidious. It’s fat hatred in fat acceptance clothing. And it does make me wonder if the people who talk like that are maybe just afraid to admit that they find fat attractive without adding the obligatory “but weight loss is good” disclaimer to the end of it.

Depression and My Eating Habits

When I’m depressed, I tend to stop eating. Most of the time I just don’t feel hungry, and when I do feel hungry I can’t bring myself to care. When I finally force myself to eat something, I don’t usually feel like cooking, so I eat what’s convenient rather than what my body needs–which leads to situations like in the previous post, where I’d go a whole day eating nothing but coffee cake, or, if I hadn’t baked anything, Kraft mac & cheese, or potato chips. Not more calories than usual–in many cases, less–but just too much of the same thing. I don’t believe foods are inherently “bad,” but eating an unvaried diet of mostly the same food group is, which is something I don’t do when I’m taking care of myself.

I know other people have gained weight from their depression without changing their eating habits, and I know that things like food, stress, and genetics have a complex and interconnected relationship when it comes to determining someone’s weight. But the overwhelming perception, in my experience, is that depressed people gain weight because they’re self-medicating with food. I remember telling a nurse once, when she raised “concern” about my weight gain, that I was struggling with depression. I didn’t even get to the part where I am recovering well (with some occasional setbacks), eating a healthy, balanced diet, and exercising, and that my weight is probably the most stable than it has been in the past year and a half, and I’m the healthiest I have been, before she started asking me about my overeating problem.

I don’t think people need an excuse to be fat. Even if weight weren’t influenced by genetics or other factors outside of people’s control, even if being fat was completely and totally a choice, it would be a person’s individual choice and not something for society to judge. But I do think it’s important to teach people that fat and weight gain is caused by things other than food, and that even when it is related to food the relationship is much more complex than “calories in, calories out,” and much more complex than the pictures of lazy gluttons choosing to stuff themselves or of mindless, passive consumers brainwashed by the evil fast food conglomerates–and to remind people that health is about your mind, not just your body.

That was a bit rambly, I think. I have grown frustrated lately, feeling myself falling back into the depression and realizing, now that I’m fully entrenched in the idea of intuitive eating (I’ve been doing it somewhat informally for at least a year now, but I’ve only fairly recently been able to put a name to it and truly separate it from the guilt-inducing ideas of “good” and “bad” foods) and have seen what benefits it gives me when I’m feeling healthy, how frustrating it is that when I’m depressed, intuitive eating doesn’t work.

Alton Brown

There were a number of comments over at Shapely Prose today about Alton Brown being fatphobic. I was confused because from what I’ve seen and read of his, I haven’t noticed anything particularly fatphobic. (Certainly no more fat-friendly than most things, but nothing jumped out at me as incredibly offensive.) So I searched around to see why everyone thought that, and I found this over at Big Fat Blog:

…I realized that something had to be done about the quivering pile of goo on which my head sits. … I estimate that I’m carrying around thirty pounds of the stuff – lard… fatback… blubber… disgusting.

According to the post over there:

Alton believes that the “obesity epidemic” is due to high fructose corn syrup coupled with hydrogenated fats. So those are out. So is any alcohol other than red wine. And no desserts. No desserts at all!

So that makes me sad, because I think Alton Brown’s shows are pretty awesome. And I feel conflicted. Usually I have no trouble realizing that many writers hold beliefs I don’t agree with, and that doesn’t bother me unless they’re exceptionally preachy or insulting in their work, which, in my experience, Brown isn’t. I also can’t help feel more sympathy than anger at a man who has, like many others, bought in to the belief that fat is disgusting and that aging, and its related weight gain, is something to be feared and something that can be controlled. I’ll have a more critical eye out next time I watch Good Eats, but I’m probably not going to stop watching it, kneejerk fashion. I’d run out of fun shows pretty quickly if I did that. I’ll save my outrage for more overt displays of fatphobia, for now at least. One step at a time.

What’s up with video games?

When I was growing up, until I got to high school and discovered the internet, sci-fi television, and advanced placement classes, I read an average of 6 books a week. That was pretty much all I did with my life. I wasn’t social. I also wasn’t very physically active; the only sport I played for any extended length of time was bowling. Frequent knee injuries and extended asthma problems, as well as time constraints, have discouraged me from being active in recent years. I am “overweight.”

My younger brother plays video games for several hours a day. He also plays sports for most of the year and frequently works out at the gym. He is “obese.”

The trap is, of course, “if you didn’t sit around playing video games all day, you wouldn’t be obese,” and I have even found myself falling into it. But what is the difference between me being sedentary and reading for most of my childhood, and him being sedentary playing video games for part of his time, and being a lot more active than I ever was for the rest of it? I’ve never experienced it personally, so I don’t know if there’s a stigma against fat people who sit around reading (“obviously that’s what makes them fat”) like there is against fat people who dare to spend some time in front of the television or Xbox. But it seems more like an intellectual prejudice than anything.